I don’t know one mom who doesn’t feel guilty or judged about something regarding their kids, school fundraising or volunteering at school. Whether it’s plopping them in front of a television show for 30 minutes (or longer) or missing their first word or that big dance recital. Guilt and judgment go together like peanut butter and jelly. I thought those feelings would go away when my daughter started elementary school, but they didn’t…they got worse. Volunteering! School fundraising! Some parents do it, while others just write a check (if that). Here’s the crazy thing though, and I’ll bet you’d never believe it. There’s guilt on both sides of this fence!
If you don’t volunteer, you feel like you’re missing out on your kid’s experiences. Yeah, you’re working to support your family and maybe writing a check to the school, but you’re missing out on the day-to-day stuff in the classroom. How will my kid ever forgive me?? What do the other parents think of me? What if you don’t give money to the class fund or annual campaign? Will everyone find out? How will that make me look? Will people treat my kid differently?
It’s not much prettier on the other side. Say you volunteer in the school and are on the board of the booster club or PTA. You’re giving a lot of your time to the school; doing a lot to help all the kids, but you feel guilty that you’re not in your kids’ classroom helping correct papers and helping the teacher. Your kids may see you around school, but not with them. What do my kids’ teachers think of me? What about the parents who are doing even more than me? I don’t want them to think I’m not doing enough. Do you ever feel like you have to “keep up with the Jones’?”
What about those parents who give more money than you could possibly give. Does that make you feel like your donation is less than? When did giving turn into a competition to make others feel guilty about what they give? Why do others judge and more importantly, why do we judge ourselves? Share with me in the comments below. I know I am not alone on this!
Sarah
Stay tuned for part two when I give you some really good advice on how to let go of some of that guilt. I will also share some sage advice from my grandpa that will become your new mantra!
Sarah has been fundraising for schools since 2008. She is the author of A Mom’s Guide to School Fundraising and has consulted for several schools and clubs. She has been featured on US News & World Report, RetailMeNot.com, Scholastic: Parent & Child and The New York Times. She thinks all kids should be able to have a well-rounded education, team uniforms, instruments and support. Don’t you?